s a u d a d e

4.03.2010

smdh

I mean, I guess it's okay for you to make assumptions about me and my life since you've known me for, lets see, all of five minutes. I guess so. I completly forgot that you're omniscient. Silly, silly me.

SMDH. I'm upset.

Estella♥

2.15.2010

Leopold Sedah Senghor

Black Woman

Naked woman, black woman

Clothed with your color which is life,
with your form which is beauty!

In your shadow I have grown up; the
gentleness of your hands was laid over my eyes.

And now, high up on the sun-baked
pass, at the heart of summer, at the heart of noon,
I come upon you, my Promised Land,
And your beauty strikes me to the heart
like the flash of an eagle.

Naked woman, dark woman

Firm-fleshed ripe fruit, sombre raptures
of black wine, mouth making lyrical my mouth
Savannah stretching to clear horizons,
savannah shuddering beneath the East Wind's
eager caresses

Carved tom-tom, taut tom-tom, muttering
under the Conqueror's fingers

Your solemn contralto voice is the
spiritual song of the Beloved.

Naked woman, dark woman

Oil that no breath ruffles, calm oil on the
athlete's flanks, on the flanks of the Princes of Mali
Gazelle limbed in Paradise, pearls are stars on the
night of your skin

Delights of the mind, the glinting of red
gold against your watered skin

Under the shadow of your hair, my care
is lightened by the neighboring suns of your eyes.

Naked woman, black woman,
I sing your beauty that passes, the form
that I fix in the Eternal,

Before jealous fate turn you to ashes to
feed the roots of life.

1.01.2010

Bonne Annee

Bonne Annee everyone! I wish you all the best this year! 2009 was awkward, 2010 will be my year!

Besos,
Estella

9.07.2009

Summer is almost over

Hello,
Quick update:
-Summer is almost over and fall is upon us. Pooo. I am excited for Fall in Boston. It's been a while since I've experienced this.
-I am going to apply for a Fulbright for sure! Cross your fingers for me because I would LOVE to be in Senegal next year, inshallah, putting my research proposal into action.
-I haven't found a job that will allow me to return to NY. I'm hoping September and Admin positions will be my ticket out of Boston. Again, please please please cross your fingers for me and pray for me.
-I'm going to start studying for the GRE. I'm in love with The New School. Inshallah, I'll get in. Again, please keep me in your prayers.
-I start driving lessons this week. I know, I'm the biggest loser ever because I don't have a license but I have a good reason. Not really, but we'll pretend.
-Chinua Achebe is a literary genius! Excellent writer. He humbles me.
-I've been crazy busy: working like a Mexican for sure and trying to enjoy.
I'm going to try to update more often.

Besos,
Estella♥

8.16.2009

I know boys are bad but...

Thoughts?

Besos,

Estella ♥

7.29.2009

For YanTan

Hello!

I know, it's been forever. I need to try to update more but my job demands my soul. By the time I get home, i'm usually so tired that I just pass out and do it all over again the next day. Alors, il faut m'excusez.

Anywho, today, it's all about my hair. On Sunday afternoon, I met with an independent film maker. Her name is Dieune. Dieune is working on a documentary on black women and the issues they have with their identity, primarily, their hair. I met her on the train and she asked me to help her out so I did. Rather than giving yall a summary of our conversation, i'm going to instead talk about my experiences with my hair. I'm going to illustrate this to you in the best way I know how. Yup, you guessed it, pictures! So grab a drink, sit tight, and get focused.

For as long as I can remember, I've always hated getting my hair done. Not because I didn't like looking neat or put together or cute, but because the junk hurt. This is demonstrated clearly by this picture. I remember crying so much, falling asleep, and getting up and my hair was all done. I was even more upset because I was forced to take this picture.

Pictures don't lie at all cause I pissed on this day. You can see it on my face.

I am about 9 in this picture. I also remember this day. I had just gotten my hair cut really really short because I had lice. I was secretly really happy because this spared me from Sunday's torture (my sister would do my hair every Sunday night before school. I used to cry it hurt so much). This picture was sent to my mother.

This was taken during Summer 2007. I was hot, bored, and felt like taking a picture.

(While I do have pictures of me from between the ages of 9 and 19, I chose not to put them up because I can't find them and I also looked a hott mess! Espcially when I was 11. Smdh, I can't believe my mother let me go to school looking a hot mess. Anyways, I braided my hair throughout high school and again in college).

This is my first day in Paris! I thought I was so cute. lol

One of our many nights out inTours. I was at a wine bar. The half up, half down look became my signature look.

Before I left for France, I promised Nelda I would cut my hair. By I, I meant that I would let her cut my hair. She did a great job. This is one of the first pictures of my short hair.

P.S.: I love this scarf!

I really liked my short hair because it was low maintenance. I became obessed with my hair for the next 4 months. This is obvious by the ridiculous amounts of pictures of me with short hair.

This was my favorite look. I loved my short hair AND the hat.

I twisted my hair for my brother. (Excuse my pink eye). At this point I was loving the hair but this was getting a bit too much for me to keep up with.

My favorite cousin and I! I'm rocking my short hair.

This is from last summer. I went back to braiding my hair because after I came back from Cameroon, it was winter and I wasn't trying to have short hair. I loved the shorter braids. They were much more comfortable!

A few months later, I changed my hairstyle again. Same braids but straight and short. LOVED IT!

This was in March of this year! I got bigger, longer braids. Didn't really want them done that way but I was in a hurry so this had to do.

For graduation, I got my hair straightened. Not a good idea at all. Did it once and I'll never it do it again becuase I didn't like it and also because...

I decided to dread my hair!
So I've always wanted to dread my hair. After finally graduating and overcoming some major obstacles, I decidied now was the right time to dread my hair. Not only was I really proud of myself, I was also looking forward to new beginnings and life as an adult.